relationship

Panama City, Scary Marriage Ups and Downs, and Other Lessons

March 13, 2018 by Irene Quevedo

PANAMA

When we arrived in Panama City earlier this year we knew it was just the city to regroup. This city is a beautiful metropolis. Each of us was quick to absorb everything it had to offer especially everything we didn’t have access to in the last two countries over 2 and a 1/2 months… cue the endless supply of Starbucks lattes. Now we didn’t visit the city to simply get a literal taste of home.

Panama City was a stop on our Queventure for a few obvious reasons: visit the canal, the beaches, and Central America’s most thriving capitol. What we didn’t realize was Panama would also be a stop full of lessons. Some of those lessons were about marriage while others were much bigger than even that.

Lesson # 1: With that many casinos, you might just need to pace yourself (husband).

Beautiful hotel and casino combos pepper the entire city. You couldn’t go very far without those shinny lights enticing you to partake. Now, I am not much of a gambler, but my husband is a different story. He gambled and boy did he enjoy it. This might seem like nothing but when you’re budgeting every single month on a fixed travel income gambling stakes feel much, much higher than usual. At least to me they did.

One night the husband was out gambling until 4am. This was not a shinning moment for us as a couple. I was so angry. It wasn’t even about the gambling, but the lack of respect I perceived when my husband didn’t bother to return home at a reasonable hour. Here we are in a foreign country after all. It’s scary to feel divided as we try to remain a supportive, dream-chasing, ever mobile team. The husband was pretty apologetic about the whole situation, but that didn’t make me feel much better. Bringing me to…

Lesson # 2: Travel doesn’t change your parenting or marital dynamics.

It enhances them. I was so upset my husband didn’t pace himself gambling so we fought, but then there we were again… just us. We can’t escape to work or friends after fights. As a traveling tribe, we get to deal with annoyances head on and then quickly find a way to harmoniously come back together for the greater good. And many times that is much harder said than done.

Lesson # 3: Take space, it is a must.

When you need space from your family you should take it. Maybe that’s exactly what my husband was doing until 4am at the casino; the jury is still out on that one. Point is, space is essential not only for our traveling family, but all families. I am a huge proponent for making sure to spend one-on-one quality time with your children and spouse, but I just can’t leave myself off that one-on-one date night list!

Panama City was a great hub from which to pop into a cab and find yourself somewhere new to dine, pamper yourself, or simply be alone. One Sunday morning, I went to mass alone and it was the most peaceful and fulfilling morning I’d had in some time.

Lesson # 4: Don’t take your country or each other for granted, just don’t.

In Panama we met so many amazing people. After a while, I began to notice an interesting commonality. Many of the Uber drivers, restaurant servers, beauticians, and on and on weren’t actually Panamanian. The majority were Venezuelans. Hardworking individuals working in Panama where according to them, the American dollar is strong.

If you know anything about Venezuela then you likely know about the years of political instability it’s faced leading to a traumatic economic crisis. Venezuelans are dealing with an employment and food shortage so devastating that most of its citizens are forced to leave their country desperate to earn a living. Imagine having to leave your birth country, a country you love, often, the only home you’ve ever known? Imagine feeling forced to leave in a state of chronic setbacks and uncertainty? Imagine leaving your beloved family behind not by choice but because of literal hunger and famine?

Every single Venezuelan I met was kind, but also clearly pained. Their longing to return home was obvious. The internal turmoil of being in a country that doesn’t fully embrace them was heartbreaking.

The many Venezuelans I met appreciated Panama, but they didn’t feel welcome and often felt attacked. According to them, the local government usually ran on platforms that singled them out as a problem pitting Panamanians against Venezuelans. This sentiment reminded me so much of the current American rhetoric where a sector of our country is being singled out and blamed: Muslims, Dreamers, Mexicans, and on and on.

Meeting so many and hearing their stories made me not only appreciate my home country, and the abounding resources, but also my fellow American citizen especially those being singled out and victimized day after day. Today, even more can be done to embrace and appreciate each other, our differences, and speak out against prejudice political platforms that only seek to divide us.

For now, if you are reading this and guilty of complaining about your job, lunch, or coworker, there’s someone right now in the world desperately wishing they had one of those three. What we so often take for granted is a blessing. Instead, let’s remember to appreciate all we’ve been afforded, no matter how minor it may all seem.

A New Year Full of Surprises

March 5, 2018 by Irene Quevedo

January felt like an entire year was lived in one month and it all started with a secret…

Two months earlier, I got word that I’d be flown back to California for work. Unlike the first time around when I unexpectedly picked up and headed back to Cali, this time my husband and kids wanted in on the action. We’ve diligently saved enough money to travel anywhere in the world for a year and just like that anywhere in the world meant home.

The best part of knowing I’d be coming home was the thought of surprising my mother. Her voice had softened over the last few months. She was clearly missing her daughter, yet she seemed uplifted by my recent October visit. Coming home with the kids would surely delight and lift her spirits even higher. So operation ‘Surprise Our Mommas’ was underway, but first we had to partake in a very Happy New Year in beautiful Panama.

Panama

We rang in the new year in Panama City, Panama and while the city vibe was a wonderful change of pace from countryside bliss in Costa Rica, the trip was also a slam-packed two weeks, complete with the type of duality and contrast only travel can bring.

We began our Panama visit on the bustling Pacific Ocean side and naturally ventured over to tour the Panama Canal. It’s a fascinating wonder of ingenuity everyone should witness at least once in their lives. Panama has a lush colonial history beautifully preserved in Casco Viejo combined with the most developed city life just across the bay. Like Nicaragua, not enough tourists flock to the gem that is Panama.

If city life isn’t your thing, then do what we did and escape to the Caribbean ocean where remote virgin beaches await. Laid out among small fishermen villages are beach communities such as Maria Chiquita and Bala Beach. These are lesser known, quiet, off the beaten path beach towns. We thoroughly enjoyed our time in these small towns and their proximity to Portobelo, Panama. Portobelo is overflowing with pirate-like motifs, reminiscent of Panama’s history protecting itself from foreign sea invasions.

Truly, there is something for every traveler’s preference in Panama. Our two weeks were well spent traversing it’s beautiful landscape. You can drive from the Pacific to Atlantic side in less time than ships traverse the actual Canal, about 90 minuets to be exact. Quick tip: if you ever get a chance to visit Panama skip the town of Colon. It’s popular on many cruise itineraries, but there isn’t much of a scene to explore for more than a couple of short hours.

Once our two weeks in Panama came to a close, we were giddy and home bound. Only a handful of family members knew we were on our way. After traveling for 12-hours we were suddenly face to face with California and ready to surprise our mommas at our favorite pizza joint. I’ll never forget the look on my mom’s overjoyed face and the hug she gave me.

With that tearfully fulfilling reunion out of the way, we moved on to living a slam-packed two weeks at home. We squeezed it all in…. birthday celebrations, anniversary staycations, weekend trips with friends, playdates for our children, shopping sprees, one-on-one time with family, and a pretty busy work schedule. It was only the best two weeks full of non-stop commitments, celebrations, and connection. Somehow we pulled off a full itinerary of to-dos, which reminded me life’s meant to be lived. The best surprise of January was probably realizing just how much anyone can do in 30 or 31 days every month.

Oprah Winfrey says it best when she asks God to, “USE her all up.’’ She wants to leave this earth completely depleted having lived such a full life of service. I am no Oprah, but January reminded me how much any one human being can accomplish in a month’s time. We often say we don’t have time; yet, we have all the time we need. Don’t give up on time. Get out there and live yourself what feels like one year in one month, if you so choose. Then, get in the habit of doing that again and again because life is worth living every minute of every single day.

Cancún: A Love Story

August 11, 2017 by Irene Quevedo

I’ve spent over half of my life infatuated with the same man. I remember a few years ago driving down the street and somehow realizing “I am a Quevedo!” A rush of pride came over me to be married into an amazing family and to the man of my dreams (and the occasional nightmare, too)!

Diego and I met in high school but never ran in the same circle. Senior year I noticed him like I’d never quite noticed him before. I was in a relationship with someone else at the time, so things were complicated. Yet, I was drawn to Diego, and have always believed a higher power drew me to him, corny as it may be.

At that point in the late 90’s, high schools orchestrated senior class grad. trips to tropical destinations. Not sure how it made sense to send 17 & 18 year olds to countries where drinking was legal, but it happened, and it was AHH-MAZING!

I was pretty much paid up to attend our Cancun senior trip when I got dumped by my boyfriend at the time. I deserved to get dumped as I had recently been spotted holding hands (and likely more) with Mr. Quevedo himself. I decided against attending the trip and failed to pay the remainder of my deposit. I didn’t want my now ex-boyfriend at the time to feel I was off with the “other guy.” Then, just as before, something pulled at me. A voice, my instinct, hell, teenage hormones told me: “just go; you’ll never know what could be unless you go.” Still another example in my life where I took a leap to avoid regretting not leaping at all.

My mother paid for another trip altogether so I could still attend. I’ll never be able to repay her generosity as it lead to so much of the rest of my life. Thanks, Mom!

When I arrived in Cancun I was taken back by the scenery and the beauty. I was equally taken back by that 17 year old boy from my high school. The young Mr. Quevedo and I had an undeniable chemistry and for 7 days we spent pretty much every waking moment getting to know each other in more ways than one. We talked so much about everything from what we’d name our future kids to whether or not we’d retire at 35 years old or younger – Ha!

I shared the name ‘Isaiah’ for that hypothetical unborn son. He shared the name ‘Leonardo’ and just like that our future son’s had identities. We could have never known then that we’d have that son together and that Isaiah would win out in the name department.

I’ll never forget Diego asking me what I thought about marriage and if I might already know the person I’d marry. He said innocently, “imagine if they’re in your life and someone you already know you marry?” He said it not in this way of wooing me, but more in a contemplative manner. Yet, my future husband was right there staring back at me. Little did we both know we were talking to the one we’d grow to love so powerfully we’d chase each other for the next 4 years until we could finally be together.

We filled Cancun with sleepless nights, parties galore, romantic walks on the beach at sunrise and a whole lot of puppy love. We found something we couldn’t quite feel with anyone else after Cancun.

We dated a couple of months after our return and then it was over. I ended it. Deep down I found myself feeling: “he was too good to be true.”

Though we both left to college, we never quite left each other’s hearts and minds. We’d come back into each other’s lives and pick up where we’d left off. Odd occurrences would bring us together and each time the attraction was greater than the last. Our time together was often like reliving Cancun over and over again. In 2002, we came together, a lot older, and after a whirlwind college experience. It was as if we both somehow knew that if we didn’t take the plunge we might just lose the chance at the great love of our lives. I left my “omnipresent” ex-boyfriend once and for all and allowed myself to fall hard for that boy from senior year.

We came into our relationship clinging tightly to the “what could have beens” if we hadn’t given it a go. We had this deep sense of gratitude and a willingness to love each other hard. We took with us Cancun and everything in between and turned it into a marriage that has lasted over 10 years and a courtship of 18.

Today, as we drove around Cancun with our three children it was like a life flashing before our eyes. I told our children all about how we fell in love and how Cancun was the place that started it all. My daughter somehow got it… “Oh you went from beings friends to being mommy and daddy,” she said.

Diego and I went from strangers to friends and from lovers to committed partners. We’ve lived a few stages of our marriage since those Cancun days and not all have been good ones.

A marriage is hard work and the most fulfilling marriages even harder.

We were 17 & 18 years old then and now 18 years have passed. We are not the same, but hopefully better. More importantly, we still feel that intense willingness to love each other hard.

We remain grateful and appreciate our love story. A story God gave us. A story we are proud to share with our children. A story we hope and pray grants us another 18 years, ten times over.

What’s your favorite love story of all?!?

Share in comments below.